She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
