Buhtt sex?
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
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