What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
