Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
