my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
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We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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