i'm lost and i look like a hooker
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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