You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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