Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
