Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
