I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
