i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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