Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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