FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
