Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
