D3 body, D1 cock
Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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