apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
