I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
