I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
