Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
