my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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