I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Found your dick twin last night
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
