Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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