Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Randomize
