You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize