how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
