You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
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