How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
