Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
