So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I made him laugh his dick is mine
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
is it fun? or sober?
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
