we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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