so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
