I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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