Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Randomize
