McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
