Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
