Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
