okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Randomize
