we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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