My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
A+ Viking dick
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
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