Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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