ya dads aren't the best wingmen
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
