You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
