Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
