And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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