Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Randomize
