Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
