Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
