I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
