Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Drunk is not a location!
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
