By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Terrible idea I love it
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Randomize
