You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Randomize
