Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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