i need an iv and a liver transplant
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
