Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
