I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
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