im holly from the hills drunk
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
