Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Drunk is a universal language darling
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
