I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
