Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Randomize
