I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
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