she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
