Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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