hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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