I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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