Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
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