We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
