Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
