Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
