after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
