The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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