Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
we're so committed to being not committed
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I see more hoeing in ur future
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