I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
